NAME: Rubin, Jason
PRIOR OFFENSES: Too Graphic to describe
CHARGED W/: GROSS INCOMPETANCE

--subject has been in naughty dog crime syndicate since 1986 (would be called a godfather if anyone respected him)
--subject has lethal mouth
(SWAT dept. note: DO NO ENRAGE… feed simple sugars)
--subject has impulsive addiction to speed- current getaway car 0-60 4.9sec: top speed 189mph(not fast enough: anticipate upgrade)
--subject said to “mack phat” on the slopes
(note to corrections dept: desert incarceration recommended)

NOTE TO CORRECTIONS DEPT: DANGER- DO NOT cohabitate suspect in cell w/ X-Box weenies
 

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