NAME: Rubin, Jason PRIOR OFFENSES: Too Graphic to describe CHARGED W/: GROSS INCOMPETANCE --subject has been in naughty dog crime syndicate since 1986 (would be called a godfather if anyone respected him) --subject has lethal mouth (SWAT dept. note: DO NO ENRAGE… feed simple sugars) --subject has impulsive addiction to speed- current getaway car 0-60 4.9sec: top speed 189mph(not fast enough: anticipate upgrade) --subject said to “mack phat” on the slopes (note to corrections dept: desert incarceration recommended) NOTE TO CORRECTIONS DEPT: DANGER- DO NOT cohabitate suspect in cell w/ X-Box weenies

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